I am thinking about the human heart. Not the physical organ, which in itself is a miracle, a beautiful thing, one of life’s greatest mysteries and God’s most puzzling creations, but of the human capacity and drive to do good, to be moved, and to Love and seek out Love.
I understand that marriages don’t always work. People get tired, weary, or anxious for change and they think the answer lies in changing their partner. I have heard people claim that we are not monogamous beings. I have heard people blame each other for fallen relationships. But the truth, and the miracle of Love, is that we are making a daily decision to give our love and energy into loving that particular person. Why throw that away?
I think part of it is the fear of loss. When you fear losing someone, you act out, get angry. Or… you shut down. You stop talking. Stop communicating. And then, before you know it, you wake up and you don’t recognize that person.
With my soon-to-be-husband, he understands my anxiety disorder. Well, perhaps he doesn’t understand it, but he eases it. My triggers are strange, and they come up at odd times. It is a latent snake, and flares up with little provocation. And yet.
And yet.
While I have panicked in front of my fiance, I have never panicked because of him. He is the anti-trigger. He is what calms me down, what lifts me up, and what keeps me going. We communicate. We can make eye contact across a room and know what the other is feeling. And I feel like that is rare in people our age.
Marriage, to me, isn’t a flight of fancy. It isn’t entrance into a world where I am the princess and he is my prince. There may be champagne bubbles and rose petals, but at the end of the day, we are Us. We are who we have always been. But we are also planted in soil, where we begin growing together. We are individuals, yet we are one. And because of that, I am not afraid any more.
I anticipate days where we may argue. There is no wrong in that.
As long as you, when you read this, understand that I am marrying you to be Here. To be constant, to be consistent, to be your best friend and hold you up through fire, pain, and darkness.
And we’ll come out on the other side together, hand in hand, moving forward.
I love you.
Let’s get married.
to put it simply 